I teach in a prison. Yesterday, a student came up to my desk and showed me the bar code on the back of his notebook. “You know what this is?”
“Yeah,” I said. “A UPC symbol.”
“It’s an Ethiopian family portrait.”
My student is a forty year old white guy. I generally like him because he can’t remember $@# and he knows it; most of his jokes are about his own bad luck. He considers himself born unlucky because he contracted hepatitis during his years of drug abuse. When I heard his latest “joke,” however, I didn’t think it was funny. I was a little stung, obviously, but mostly I had a selfish reaction: ”Who was discussing my business? Where did this guy overhear something about me? Why is he saying this to me?” (which is just the effect of prison own soul–my own paranoia and institutionalization). But then I decided there was no way he knew my wife and I are adopting from an orphanage in Addis Ababa.
My next thought was, “You know, Mr. ____, there’s nothing funnier than a three hundred pound guy laughing about mass starvation.”
But I didn’t say anything. I gave him a pained un-smile and nodded him back to his seat. The world is full of stupid people and just because they’re stupid doesn’t mean they’re not trying to make you laugh and make the world a better place. Maybe it was a “teaching moment” and I missed it, but, to be honest, with students like mine, there is a lot to teach and we have many moments.

3 comments
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June 16, 2008 at 2:46 am
Jana
What??!!! I think I know the type, and like you said, he probably meant no harm.
But, I mean, duh.
Thanks for the encouragement about t-shirts! Graphic design makes me tremble with fear, but maybe I will try my hand at it. I am going to make some new prints soon–with an Ethiopian flavor…..
June 16, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Gretchen
Ok, Chris you are much nicer than I am! I am raving mad for you! I think your comment would have been perfect! But I too have been caught in those situations. I’ve been taught the tools to say. Which I’m told the best thing is to say “What do you mean by that?” But too many times I’m left speechless at people’s ignorance and falling asleep at night thinking I should of said this or I should have said that. I admire your patience!
June 27, 2008 at 2:01 am
Kathy
You handled it perfectly, not that you need my approval. I’ve learned from other adoptive parents that any sort of insult or explanation will be lost on them. It will make you exponentially madder when they say it in front of your son so you practice responding for his ears, because he is the only one that matters.